He'll Never Know
by Neverlandite
Summary: Just a oneshot with a little bit of Remusangst. Remus is contemplating how to tell Sirius how he truly feels about him, when he's interrupted. Just a little ficlet about love and the true bounds of friendship.


He paused for a moment as the white glimmers from outside the window caught his eye. The quill came to a standstill, leaving a messy splotch of ink, marring his carefully crafted letter. "Dammit" He muttered, balling up the parchment and letting it fall to the floor and join the countless others he'd composed already that morning. But he couldn't afford even the tiniest mistake. Not today. Today had to be perfect. His future, and maybe even his life depended on it.

Slowly, he took a fresh sheet of parchment from the stack and gracefully wrote Sirius's name across the top left-hand coroner. The elegant black letters mirrored Remus's calm, reserved nature, as well as the gravity of the situation.

The snow continued to fall softly outside, coating the fence posts and sidewalks with a thin blanket of purity. Remus smiled as he watched the flakes drift slowly to the ground. But, there was a shadow in his eyes and over his whole demeanor. Hidden behind a faux smile and forced cheerful conversation. The war had taken a toll on everyone, and it was especially evident on Remus's careworn face.

He soon found himself lost in a daydream of a shaggy black dog frolicking playfully by the lake in the winter sunlight. The very thought pained Remus and he shook the memories away. Those days were over, they weren't kids anymore- reality had settled in and they had to face it head on. No more midnight excursions down hidden passages with invisibility cloaks or sleepless nights spent in good company. The sleepless nights still haunted Remus, but now he far too frequently spent them holed up in his study, alone and brooding.

As he watched the snow continue to fall he couldn't help but think of his future. Their future. _Will I ever see another winter, to hear the snow crackle beneath my footsteps and taste the subtle chill on the wind? Will we spend it together? Will we..._

Remus's thoughts were interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. Sighing quietly, Remus returned the quill to his inkwell and stood, heading for the door to his study. the letter would never get written at this rate. Remus slowly opened the door to see nothing other than the messy locks and hazel eyes of his old friend.

"James," he exclaimed, as small, yet genuine smile flickered across his face. But his face soon darkened at the sadness deeply beset in his friend's eyes. All traces of the playful quidditch captain had vanished and had been replaced with the strong, yet worried face of a father and an auror. A face that had seen too many sorrows. There was no denying that the four troublemakers had grown up and were not plagued with the concerns and troubles of grown men. And leaders. "What is it James? What happened?"

James stood in silence for a moment and then, quietly, and as if each word pained him to utter, he replied hoarsely, "He's dead." Remus didn't even need a name, he knew immediately who his friend spoke of. Not a tear escaped his eyes and Remus took James by the arm to steady him and led him into the study. There were just sometimes you had to be strong for friends, and this was one of those times. James needed him. He would have time to grieve later.

Soon the sobs racking James's body had subsided and Remus found himself feeling 11 again and helpless as he covered James with a blanket and watched him sleep on the couch. The same way he'dwatched the night James's parents had died and could do nothing to eas the pain. Only this time, he was hurting too.

Silently satisfied that James was sleeping safely, Remus picked up the adash of floo powder and fire-called lily, to let her know her husband was safe. A Moment later Lilies head floated in the fire. "James is here, Lily. He's safe" He said quietly, and to the point.

"I know Remus," She replied. And ever so quietly added, "I know you loved him, Remus. And I'm sorry." Remus gave her a sad smile and a single tear slid down his cheek as Lily's tired face slowly faded out of view. Remus found himself lost in the flames, silently mourning his loss.

"I do love him, and now he'll never know. I never got a chance to tell him how I felt"

Remus sighed heavily. "Now he'll never know."


End file.
